Let’s talk about something heavy but real. Growing up with a parent who was there in body but not in spirit leaves scars you can’t always see. The kind of scars that whisper in your ear when you’re trying to mother, love, or even just show up for yourself. You don’t need research studies to tell you what your heart already knows, it hurts when the person who was supposed to pour into you left you thirsty for love. This is for the little girl in you who sat at the dinner table next to a parent who never really saw you. The one who got good grades but never heard “I’m proud of you.” The one who learned to keep her feelings quiet because she didn’t want to be too much. You deserved better. And I want you to feel seen in these words.
The Parent Who Was There But Not Really There
There’s a special kind of pain when a parent shows up physically but stays emotionally checked out. They’re in the house, but not in your heart. You can look back at holidays, birthdays, and school plays and realize, their body was there, but their love wasn’t. And because kids don’t know how to make sense of that, you blamed yourself. You thought maybe if you were quieter, smarter, prettier, funnier, something, they’d finally light up when they looked at you. But sis, the truth is, their emptiness was never your fault.
Living With The Fear Of Rejection
When love felt shaky growing up, rejection as an adult can feel like an earthquake. You might overthink texts, replay conversations, or keep people around long after they’ve shown you they don’t deserve access to you. Not because you’re weak, but because your nervous system still believes love is something you have to chase. That’s why you may find yourself shrinking, people-pleasing, or settling, not because you don’t know your worth, but because rejection once felt like survival. And that fear doesn’t just go away because you grew up.
The Hunger For Praise And Validation
If you never got that “I see you baby, I’m proud of you,” it’s natural to crave it now. Sometimes it shows up as overachieving. Sometimes it shows up as giving too much in relationships. Sometimes it shows up as questioning if you’re ever enough. Sis, let me remind you: you don’t have to beg for claps. You are worthy of celebration right now, without overworking, without over-giving, without proving.
Attachment Styles: How Childhood Shapes Love
When love is hot and cold, kids adapt. And those adaptations follow us into adulthood. Some of us became anxious lovers, needing constant reassurance. Some of us went avoidant, keeping people at arm’s length so they couldn’t hurt us. Some of us got a mix of both, craving closeness but fearing it at the same time. None of these mean you’re broken. They mean you learned how to survive. And the beautiful thing is, survival strategies can be unlearned. You can grow into secure love, even if you never had it modeled.
Motherhood And The Triggers It Brings
Let’s be real. Motherhood can bring those old wounds right back up. You want so badly to give your babies the love you never got, that sometimes you overdo it. You might burn yourself out trying to be the “perfect mom.” Or feel guilty when you need space. Or panic if your child seems upset with you, because deep down, you still fear rejection. But here’s the truth, your children don’t need a perfect mom. They need a present mom. The one who admits mistakes, says sorry, and keeps trying. The one who breaks the cycle simply by showing up with honesty and heart.
Love And Relationships
Whew, let’s talk about dating and marriage. If you had an emotionally unavailable parent, sometimes you unconsciously pick emotionally unavailable partners. Why? Because it feels familiar. That silence, that distance, your body knows it, so it tricks you into thinking it’s safe. Or maybe you stay in unhealthy relationships because the thought of someone leaving feels worse than staying with someone who doesn’t love you right. But love is not supposed to feel like begging. It’s not supposed to feel like you’re auditioning. It’s not supposed to feel like you’re always bracing yourself for the day they stop choosing you.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy is like giving yourself the safe parent you always needed. A space where your feelings aren’t “too much.” A space where someone stays, even when you open up the messy parts. A space where you can rewrite the story from “I wasn’t enough” to “I always deserved love.” Through therapy, you learn to:
Reparent yourself: Give that little girl inside you the love, praise, and validation she craved.
Challenge old beliefs: Replace “I’ll be abandoned” with “I am worthy of steady love.”
Build new habits: Create healthier boundaries in relationships and stop overextending yourself.
Heal your body’s story: Release the tension, anxiety, and hypervigilance that’s been living in your chest for years.
Reclaiming The Soft Life
Healing from parental alienation is about choosing softness after years of hardness. It’s about allowing yourself to receive love without suspicion. It’s about mothering yourself while you mother your children. It’s about building relationships where you can breathe instead of brace. Every time you speak kindly to yourself. Every time you let yourself rest. Every time you set a boundary. Every time you let love in. That’s you rewriting the story. You are not broken. You are becoming.
Take this with you today: You don’t have to hustle for love. You don’t have to beg to be chosen. You are already worthy of a love that is steady, soft, and true.
Healing Journal Prompts
When I think back to my childhood, what are the moments where I felt unseen or unheard? How did that shape the way I show up in relationships today?
What kind of love, praise, or validation did little me need to hear but didn’t? Can I write it down and speak it to myself now?
Where in my life do I still find myself hustling for approval? How can I start giving myself what I keep asking from others?
What would it look like for me to love my children (or future children) in a way that heals both of us?
If rejection didn’t scare me, what would I go after boldly? Who would I be if I trusted I was always enough?
Soft Life Affirmations
I am not too much, and I am never not enough.
My worth is not measured by who claps for me.
I can give myself the love I’ve always craved.
I am safe to rest. I am safe to receive. I am safe to be loved.
My voice, my feelings, my presence, they all matter.
I break cycles by choosing softness, not struggle.
I deserve a love that stays.
These prompts and affirmations aren’t about fixing you, because you were never broken. They’re about reminding your soul of what it’s always deserved...love without conditions, peace without guilt, and joy without apology.