Shanta Milner, LPC, NCC
04 Oct

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's all too easy to let others dictate the course of our existence. Whether it's a well-meaning family member, a controlling partner, an overbearing boss, or even societal expectations, the influences that shape our decisions and actions can sometimes veer us off course from our true desires and aspirations. But what happens when we relinquish too much control? How can we recognize the warning signs, and more importantly, how can we reclaim ownership over our own lives?

Warning Signs

The first step towards regaining control over our lives is recognizing when we've allowed others to have too much influence. This might manifest as hesitancy to pursue our passions or dreams because of fear of disapproval or failure from those around us. We might find ourselves constantly seeking validation from others, or suppressing our own thoughts and emotions to avoid conflict or rejection.

Signs that we've relinquished control include feelings of unworthiness, lack of confidence, stress, anxiety, and even depression. We might notice ourselves becoming increasingly passive or compliant, going along with the wishes of others at the expense of our own needs and desires. These warning signs serve as important indicators that it's time to reclaim agency over our lives.

Regaining Control

So, how do we go about regaining control? It's not always easy, especially if we've never established healthy boundaries with others. But with practice and perseverance, it's entirely possible to learn how to assert ourselves and prioritize our own well-being.

Imagine your life as a home. In its ideal state, your home is a sanctuary—a place of safety, security, and peace. You have firm boundaries in place, protecting your space and your sense of self. You're selective about who you allow in, and you don't hesitate to assert yourself when necessary.

But when you've relinquished control, it's as if your home has been left vulnerable, with doors and windows unlocked for anyone to enter. You might feel anxious, uncertain, and constantly on edge, as though you're at the mercy of external forces. Regaining control means reasserting those boundaries, securing your space, and reclaiming ownership over your own life.

Becoming Empowered

To become empowered means to take back the keys to your own home—to establish clear and healthy boundaries in every aspect of your life. It means learning to say no when necessary, speaking up for yourself, and prioritizing self-care. It means letting go of the need for external validation and trusting in your own judgment and worth.

Therapy can be a valuable tool in this journey, providing support and guidance as you work to regain control over your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Through therapy, you can learn coping skills, challenge limiting beliefs, and develop strategies for asserting yourself confidently and assertively.

Ultimately, regaining control over your life is a journey of self-discovery and self-empowerment. It requires courage, resilience, and a willingness to confront the obstacles that stand in your way. But by taking proactive steps to set boundaries, prioritize your own well-being, and cultivate self-confidence, you can create a life that aligns with your authentic self and brings you a sense of fulfillment and happiness. Remember, you deserve to be the architect of your own destiny.

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