15 Feb

Valentine’s day is traditionally known to be a day of romance and love. It’s the time of year where people are able to express their affection for someone else via gifts or through verbal expression by asking someone to be their “valentine.” Moments like this are when people are also able to express their romantic or lustful feelings to someone else anonymously and not have to worry about the fear of rejection. Couples often time look forward to this day because it’s a day where you get to have that one date that does not involve kids, cooking, or cleaning. It’s a day filled with love, lust, and romance…


On Valentine’s Day, those who are celebrating are enjoying their evening and capturing moments on their cameras to be displayed on social media or shown to family and friends the next day. There’s nothing wrong with it…in fact, it may bring about feelings of joy watching the chemistry play out between couples…BUT…what about the people who does not have a valentine’s date or did not receive any anonymous gifts?

Post Valentine’s Day Stress

Valentine’s Day can be a bummer for individuals who do not feel so great about themselves due to different circumstances. For instance, viewing social media and seeing all of the couples celebrating and enjoying themselves can be triggering and influence unhealthy responses to someone who is not quite happy with themselves. This is not to say that the person who is being triggered is a hater or resentful. The triggering event could have been caused by many factors, some which can include the following:

  • Feeling unloved and unwanted
  • Never feeling desired by someone else
  • Being told that you are unworthy and unlovable by someone important to you
  • Not feeling confident
  • Feeling uncomfortable with your body type
  • Recently ending a relationship on Valentine’s Day
  • Experiencing something traumatic on Valentine’s Day
  • Not celebrating due to religious beliefs
  • Feelings as if you do not deserve to be loved or romanced

Breaking Down the Meaning of Valentine’s Day and Making it Your Own

One of the things that can help with post Valentine’s Day stress is to learn what your triggers are and figure out ways to cope with your triggers. In doing so, you first have to determine whether or not your triggers are rational or irrational. Do you get stressed after Valentine’s Day because seeing couple’s celebrate reminds you of your current relationship status or does it truly trigger a traumatic event for you? What are your expectations of Valentine’s Day? Do you expect to be romanced when you do not have anyone of significance in your life OR do you set healthy boundaries in your relationship that includes being extra romanced on Valentine’s Day by your significant other? What are your expectations after Valentine’s Day? Learning how to challenge your own expectations of things can help decrease your anxiety and stress levels and improve your mental health

Check Yourself: Reach Out for Help

So what you didn’t receive a valentine’s gift. The world didn’t end! Sure you probably took an emotional beating and it’s okay to be in your feelings…for a brief, very brief moment. If you are triggered, this is a great moment to challenge yourself and figure out the reasons that you are being triggered and do something about it. It is not always easy trying to overcome stress alone, which is why counseling can be extremely beneficial for you. You can learn how to decrease your irrational beliefs and replace them with rational thoughts to help decrease your stress level and improve your mental health. Do not torture yourself alone…allow a counselor to help you unpack your unhealthy stuff and replace it with healthy goodies!

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